Tag Archives: Love

Speaking from Personal Experience | Engagement Dates.

When I was eighteen, I got engaged. I was on holiday in England with my boyfriend (who lived there) who I had been in a long distance relationship with for about three and a half years. 

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What sparked this topic for me? Valentine’s Day was a few weeks ago and we’ve just waved bye to Christmas too. Being on any social media like Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, I’m sure you seen at least one engagement, right? I’m very involved in Twitter especially so I seen a small number of the girls I follow, get engaged. However, what I also seen was some of these girls having to defend themselves and having judgement passed onto them about getting engaged close to on or Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day.

So why did I tell you that I was engaged at one point? I got engaged on my eighteenth birthday.

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Birthday’s for me were always quite special and so they should be. Christmas and Valentine’s Day are on the whole, something that (almost) everyone celebrates together but your birthday is something that is special to you.

The engagement didn’t work out, we never got married. We broke up when I moved to England, and a few months later after finishing my first year at University, I came back to Belfast. I have never regretted not getting married and not going further with that relationship; we lasted for a little over six years with five and a half of those years being long distance. It was my first ever relationship, I didn’t know what I was doing right and wrong most of the time because it wasn’t a “normal” relationship. There were more things wrong with the relationship than right. Looking back, I was worried about coming home, not because I was sad that it had ended (because I wasn’t), I was more worried that I had build this vision up of myself that I got engaged so young and he was my first everything and we were the perfect couple. (My trait of being a perfectionist had ideally slid in from here I think). I had to come back with my tail between my legs essentially and explain to people that we weren’t together.

Ever since then, I didn’t enjoy my birthday as much. The first birthday that I had when we weren’t together was my 21st. Again, another big birthday for many and I had a different outlook on it. I wasn’t excited, I didn’t want a big fuss, I didn’t think I was worth fussing over; it was just a day to me now. That’s how it was every year after, until my birthday last year.

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I wrote a short little blog post on it but that was my 25th birthday; my boyfriend at the time had gone all out for me to give me the greatest day ever and for the first time (ever), I didn’t think about that failed engagement. I didn’t think about how my life didn’t turn out the way I thought it would at eighteen. I was so overwhelmed with the amount of thought and effort that had gone into celebrating my birthday and making it special that I couldn’t feel or think of anything else but utter happiness.

For those that criticise others for getting engaged at Christmas, New Year’s or Valentine’s Day (for example), it’s no=one’s business when someone gets engaged apart from the two people in the relationship. If you think it’s cliche, fair enough but don’t push your view and your negativity on someone who is currently on cloud nine after just having an amazing moment happen, and quite a life changing one at that.

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I’m not against anyone getting engaged on those days, not at all. Getting engaged is different for every couple, so Valentine’s Day might have an even bigger meaning for you than most. I know that for me personally, it’s not something I would like again. I have told friends and family, and I even told my ex-boyfriend that I don’t want to get engaged on days like that or my birthday again. It’s nothing against those that choose to do it on those occasions but I now have the understanding that not everything works out the way you want it to. I used to love my birthday and it just became a “day” to me for a few years, I just didn’t want the hassle and I didn’t think I was worth it. Some people don’t like their birthday at all and that’s fine, but that never used to be the case for me.

My point is, I understand it from both sides. Stepping away from the criticism for a minute; I’ve been there, I know how it feels to look back a few years down the line at a failed engagement and be disappointed. Not that I’m sad that we didn’t get married (because I’m very thankful that we didn’t in the end) but because I looked back on it on my birthday. A day that should be about me (It sounds selfish, but that’s essentially what your birthday is, right?) yet I thought about this momentous event that was dampening my birthday experience years later.

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When you’re in that moment, it doesn’t matter what day it is. At the time, I didn’t think for one second how this could affect me in the future because I didn’t have anything to worry about. Maybe most people won’t but we have to understand that sometimes things don’t work out and that is perfectly fine. If everything worked out the way we wanted every single time, I would take a guess and say most of us would hate that, we wouldn’t be challenged and we would feel like life is far too easy. I’m just saying that doing this on a more celebrated occasion, it could be more likely to affect you if it doesn’t work out.

I’ll give you a really simple example; I don’t remember the day my ex-fiance and I broke up, but I do remember my most recent long term relationship break up because it was on a family member’s birthday. Chances are, when that birthday comes around, I’ll still think about that on that date whereas a few years down the line, if it had have been on a random day, I would probably forget the date altogether.

I hope from reading this that you can see there is another perspective of engagements and dates that you might not have heard before. Again, you do you, your engagement and the date it happens is special to you, I’m certainly not wanting to put a dampener on anyone’s happiness. I’m just sharing part of my story and how it affected me years down the line. Thank you for reading! ❤

 

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SS: Sunday Saves (#39)

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Welcome back to another Sunday Saves! Every week I aim to give back to the blogging community by featuring three posts I have found that week that I’ve either really enjoyed or related to and I share them right here. If you’ve missed any of my other Sunday Saves, you can click here and you’ll find the other thirty eight!

Seeing as this coming week is the celebration of love and all its glory, I thought it was only appropriate to show you posts that can be related to Valentine’s Day. So if you’re loved up or not, there’s a post for you. There’s also a post about an adorable cat which doesn’t scream Valentine’s Day for some, but your cat can be your Valentine too!

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1) Kirsty Leanne (Making Memories Date Night | Just Us)

I’m very lucky to be one of Kirsty’s advertisers for the next month but that’s not the reason I chose this post (obviously!). I had never heard of this subscription box before and there are so many out there that I can’t keep up (can anyone?). I liked the concept of this because it could be used with your partner or if you got creative with it, you could even use it with your best friend (and just change a few of the questions). It’s called the ‘Just Us’ box and it comes with date night ideas as well as a few little extras. If you read Kirsty’s post, it explains it a lot better but I think it’s a more creative way to do date night.

2) The Nerdy Me (14 Things To Do If You’re Single on Valentine’s Day)

Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world because let’s face it, it’s one day. Sure, you’ll either be scrolling through Instagram and see photograph after photograph of couples being spoilt by each other or you’ll just avoid social media at all costs. I can totally understand why Valentine’s Day can be upsetting for some especially if you’re no longer with the person you were last year or if you’re lonely and you wish you were with someone. No judgement, everyone has different feelings when it comes to the day itself, and that’s completely fair. However, if you are single (like myself) and you’re looking for a fun post to either cheer yourself up or just have a laugh with, read Leta’s post. It’s meant to be taking as a fun post so obviously I wouldn’t advocate texting your ex but binge watching your favourite TV show or baking in the kitchen, I’m all for!

3) A Cup of T (Meet Mr. Puddles)

See, I told you there was a post about a cat! I’ve recently in the last year became a little cat convert. I’m very afraid of most animals but cats have changed my mind, so much so that I’m hoping to get a cat in the next few months once my house is all settled and everything is in its place. I loved the story behind Mr. Puddles and he sounds (and looks) really adorable. So if you’re just wanting to look at a cute little kitty, Terri-May has your back.

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That’s all for today’s Sunday Saves! If you missed my take on a Valentine’s Day idea, here’s my latest post, it will be too late for guaranteed delivery for the 14th but it could always make a lovely gift for a birthday or just a pick me up for a friend too. Thanks for reading!

(Blogmas Day Sixteen) 8 Life Lessons 2016 Taught Me

Welcome to Blogmas Day Sixteen! There’s just one more Blogmas post left now!

So today’s post is Part Two of my 2016 series. If you’ve missed Part One, you’ll find it right here and that was Blogmas Day Fifteen. This post focuses on life lessons I learned this year, and I’m going to be completely honest, this is my most personal post to date on the blog. It’s very open and honest, and you might see it as a negative post but most of my life lessons I learned from the year, came from negatives experiences. That’s just the way it worked out.

Sometimes life is shit.

Yep, there I said it and let’s be honest, we all think it. Life is truly shit sometimes. People will drag you and make you feel like shit. Everything will become too much at times and you won’t know what to do. You’ll want to just crawl into bed sometimes, not talk to a single person and just sleep. You have to be your own positive influence in the end and teach yourself how to find the balance between letting yourself be upset and picking yourself up again. I understand that for everyone that is completely different and is a lot easier said than done.

People make mistakes. You are human.

Ever done something you regret? Ever done something you wish you could take back? Ever done something that you still makes you upset and want to block it out of your memory for good? Congratulations, you’re a human being! Learn from your mistakes, understand why you made them or why they happened, but never allow your mistakes to be held over you like you’re the only one to ever have made them.

Your past does not define you.

I have a past. You have a past. Your next door neighbour has a past. Your boyfriend or girlfriend has a past. We all do, and again, that is totally okay. Regret your past or embrace it, that’s up to you but at the end of the day, you have to move on from it. If you’re ashamed, you have to tell yourself that you aren’t that person you used to be; you’ve changed, you’re working every day to become a better person and that’s better than doing nothing about it at all.

Therapy was the best investment I have ever made.

I have been going to therapy for just over a year now and it truly is the best investment I have ever made. Everyone’s experience is different but mine was life changing and eye opening; I learned more about myself than I ever thought I could. I learn in every single session and I bring that experience into my every day life. Therapy was there for me when I was having the greatest days riding on Cloud Nine and it was also there when I felt like I couldn’t cope. I owe so much to this year to my counsellor and how she has helped me through the good and bad times.

Crying does not mean you are weak.

One of the most important lessons I learnt in therapy is that crying does not mean you are weak; crying is your body telling you have something to let out and let go. You build up so much emotion and so much tension, where else is it meant to go? It’s natural to cry, don’t be ashamed of it.

Heartbreak is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

I went through a break up this year, not something that I decided to share a lot on social media. It broke me into a million pieces, it was really really hard. Now don’t get me wrong, I used to be engaged to a guy I was with for six years so this wasn’t my first relationship (It was only my second) but this relationship was nothing like my previous one. Nothing can prepare you for the heartache (pre and post break-up), the constant stream of tears, the flowing stream of thoughts of blaming yourself and the what if’s, absolutely nothing can prepare you. It’s hard, it sucks (I really wouldn’t wish it on anyone) but you learn more about yourself than ever before after it.

Friendship is so important.

My friendship group this year became rock solid for me in the past six months and I am beyond grateful for everyone who has been there for me. I gained a new best friend, Leonie has become my rock, she’s the best ❤ (and thank you for reading my blog Leonie!), Toni and Andrew have listened to my stories over and over again along with lots of tea, Caoimhe was there to comfort me with nights to Pizza Express and a tearful night over Indian food and finally Eoin, who I missed so much and I’m so glad to have back in my life again. Never ever underestimate your friends and how much of a positive influence friends can have on your life, in the good and the bad times.

You will be okay.

No matter what you’re going through, you will be okay. If you miss your bus, if you go through a break up, if you have a horrible day at work, if you feel like you can’t cope with what life throws at you, you will be okay. When you’re going through something at the time, you don’t believe it. You think that you’ll feel this forever and that it will never go away, trust me, it really really does become better.

Thank you so much for reading today’s post, it was quite a big one for me and despite how it looks, my year wasn’t all bad, but at times I definitely felt like it had completely defeated me.

SS: Sunday Saves (#28)

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Happy Sunday! I can’t believe we’re almost half way through November already, it’s crazy! As always, if you haven’t read any of my other Sunday Saves or you want to find out more about them, you can click right here to find the other twenty seven editions so far! This week I’ll be talking about winter essentials, a LUSH bath ballistic and not playing hard to get.

1. Joyce Lau (Ready for Winter)

Joyce’s post is all about prepping for Winter so when I seen something associated with LUSH, a Yankee Candle, fluffy socks and jumpers, I knew Joyce was the girl for me. Everything she said in her post, I related to and that’s what I really love about Sunday Saves. I have to do such a big clear out of all my clothes and I think once I do that, then I can go buy all the cosy clothes for Winter!

2. What Lauren Did Today (LUSH So White Bath Bomb)

So White from LUSH is something I buy every single year. Not only because it’s one of the nicest smelling bath ballistics (and the shower gel that had for that brief moment in time was also amazing!) but because it looks so simple on the outside but it’s SO pretty on in the inside. If you have to buy one bath ballistic this year, seriously consider So White.

3. That Rainbow Girl (Play Hard To Get and I’ll Find It Hard To Care)

Playing hard to get? That’s the advice every guy and girl is given and to be honest, I don’t even know by who? I mean, I know my Mum didn’t tell me and I didn’t talk about guys to my friends until the last year or so, so it must have been society. Apparently if a guy really likes you, he’ll not text for a few days and that’s totally acceptable to sit by your phone and wait. If you really like a guy, why not just leave him hanging for a few days and if you still really want to text him, then you’ll know after not talking to him for a few days. Seriously? What bull did I actually listen to? Admittedly I only ever had one guy do this to me and he led me on for over a year and it sucked. It really sucked thinking you were something to someone to then be nothing a minute later, even though the way he spoke to you, it was like you were ‘something’. That Rainbow Girl has the same views; we’re busy, we have so much to do before, during and after work, and if you think we have the time to sit and wait around for people like this, NO! We just don’t. If you think playing hard to get is a good idea, it’s not; let me tell you right now, it’s not so just don’t do it. It’s something I’d rather get into in a blog post on its own (which I probably will) but for me, I’ll never understand how playing hard to get is going to find you someone you want to spend your life with.

Apologises for the last rant, but things like that really grind my gears! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this week’s post, if you did or didn’t, let me know why in the comment or with a tweet over at @RetroSnowflake 💕