Home » Chats » I can’t fake this.

I can’t fake this.

pexels-photo-209500.jpeg

Normally on a Sunday, I would be sitting here wishing you a lovely day, I would talk you through some of my favourite blog posts I’ve found during the week that have inspired me and everything would be dandy.

Today I can’t do that. I can’t force myself to write a post about inspiring and motivational blog posts when I couldn’t feel any further from that right now.

Yesterday was not a good day for me, emotionally and mentally. The night before, I had such a lovely night with my friend but I sat up an hour before bed in a complete panic with my anxiety sky high. I had no idea what I was worried about, but I was so panicked that I felt like I couldn’t go to bed.

That night I had a horrible dream, well I would say more of a nightmare. It knocked me for six the next morning. I lay in bed for an hour after waking up feeling very teary and very stressed.

I then felt quite ill walking to the gym, I stayed in the gym for ten minutes before I told myself I wasn’t going to feel any better and left.

My FitBit was really low on battery and didn’t pick up my half an hour walk to the gym (or most of the walk back).

I was walking home from going to get groceries and could feel like I was getting a lump in my throat, my breathing was getting heavier all of a sudden and I just wanted to cry. If there wasn’t a queue of cars right down the long road I was walking down, I probably would have.

To top it off, I went into the city centre with my Mum that night; we were heading to a concert and every restaurant we walked into was fully booked so we ended up in Starbucks with two teas even though we were both really hungry.

These may be classed as first world problems and to most people, they might all sound like little problems that aren’t a big deal. I completely understand that there are many horrible and bad things happening in the world right now so I know some will be thinking  “Oh no, you couldn’t go to a restaurant and get fed.” or “Oh no, your expensive tracker didn’t work.” First world problems or not, they had an effect on me. They had a very negative effect on mind, my body and my overall well-being; at times I felt like I was trapped in my own head and my own body and when I wanted to leave, I couldn’t.

dawn-nature-sunset-woman.jpg

Being true to myself is something I wanted to make a priority in 2017, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m admitting that the world got to me and because of that, I won’t pretend to be in a good mood and tell my readers how posts inspired me or write a post that I don’t feel connected to. Who would that serve? What purpose would that have?  I could fake it and say I’m in such a great mood (but I won’t because I’m not). I could fake it and say ” I loved <insert blog name> because it was so motivating and I can’t wait to try this too (but I won’t because that would be a lie). That won’t help me and pretending that I’m happy and chatty and wonderful just to motivate myself for a blog post certainly won’t help anyone else either.

It’s okay to feel like the world is against you. I thought that and I acknowledge now that the world doesn’t hate me and it’s not trying to make me cry on purpose, but for that moment in time, that’s all I wanted to do. I acknowledge that my mental health is a priority and I acknowledge that these are signs to a more negative side of my mental health as a whole.

I’m sure my Sunday Saves will be back next Sunday but if you ever feel like I did, just know that it’s okay, you’re not alone and that feeling will not last forever.

Thank you for reading ❤

(Top Photo Source: Pexels.com)
(Bottom Photo Source: Unsplash.com)

Advertisements

One thought on “I can’t fake this.

  1. Pingback: SS: Sunday Saves (#38) | RetroSnowflakes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s